I originally wrote this piece over two and bit years ago, and felt it was important to share here. This is a letter to the ex Psychopath, it is about releasing anger and rage, and reclaiming my power.
There is much power in the written word, writing things out can help us to find our voice while making peace with and releasing us from the past.
So many beautiful memories and yet still so many bewildering and painful. I write this message not in hope for closure but simply as a purging and rebirth methodology.
You may have feelings of glibness feelings of superiority, a feeling that you have conquered me….
Undoubtedly I thought this was so, many times over our five year relationship, especially when I first left you… however I remember you saying one day I will know everything about you, one day I will know exactly who you are.
Well you were right and that day has finally come. I understand who you are and more importantly I understand what has happened to me throughout my entanglement with you and nothing can be said or done to change the complexity of the truth nor diminish the anguish and pain I have felt from knowing.
Nonetheless what I do know is this… My body, My brain, My will and My love was never yours to take from me to begin with and through self-education and pure guts and determination I am reclaiming myself, I am rewriting the script.
I am healing, growing and evolving from the inside out in such a profound way that I could never of imagined would be possible after such inhuman abuse.
Abuse so sadistic and soul destroying my mind temporarily shattered from the repeated gaslighting and psychological warfare callously depicted and plotted against me…
Your abuse has not broken me and this time you have most certainly overshot yourself with your power plays and trickery, because I have won the grand fanale.
The “game on” as you would say is over, no more replays or curtain calls no more subscribing to the sickness or buying into the cognitive dissonance of a false reality and the world of crazy making we once shared.
All of your attempts to distort my thoughts and annihilate the essence of me have been lost for I am no longer searching for my other half…
I am enough I am strong I am smart I am beautiful I am kind and this is
My life My story My chance My journey…
I am no longer owned, chained or powerless, I am FREED from who and from what once bound me.
All Words Written by Evelyn Wayde © 2017 – 2020